I'm beginning to reach a breaking point. My inability to say 'no' to commitments has now begun to creep its way into affecting my sleep cycle, eating habits, workout habits and oh yeah... my social existence. I ran into a friend today on my way across campus who I used to spend a lot of time with. "I thought you were still abroad," he said. "You look tired."
No. I'm here. And thanks. I am tired.
I don't know if I am starting to feel the early signs of "slowing down" with age OR if I have just finally bitten off so much, that not only am I unable to chew -- but I'm having trouble breathing too. cough cough.
I know New Years resolutions are miles away from now, but during moments of downtime I fantasize about a reduced workload that a strict resolution might bring. Simple things like being able to cook myself a proper meal, or sneak in an hour with my running shoes and iPod seem like luxuries that I will never be able to afford.
I've convinced myself that if I don't do a million things day that I will not be a successful person in life. Sure, there's some correlation. But if I am starting to wince at my quality of life because of it, maybe success isn't really worth it after all. Can I be happy being average? Part of me hopes so.
I've got two months left until the end of the hardest semester I've experienced to date. To make matters worse, I came into the hardest semester after having basked in the easiest. London was leagues short of academically challenging -- to be honest, academia was more of a nuisance getting in my way of fully capturing the city. Oh to be back again.
But yes. Two months left of sprinting. Then I think I might settle down and jog for a while.
Note to self this January 1st: chill out.
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5 comments:
As one who is out of school, and in the 9-5 world, it's still a constant battle to keep free time free. I used to lust after my current work hours, with the occasional class to keep me sharp, but I'm still saying the same ole same old: "I wish I had more free time!" Nobody arrives - everyone everywhere is still on the journey.
You're crushing my dreams.
As always.
I suppose it keeps me realistic though.
It's what you do with your free time. If a trip somewhere or a project means that much to you, work will always be there waiting for you when you get back. Find a career that lets you live your dreams for your free time. Meanwhile, enjoy your undergrad days while they last. In a few years everyone will move away to start thier careers and as JD said, have no free time.
My problem/luxury is that my career is my dream and what I want to be doing with my free time. It just becomes a problem when it inhbits all that I do.
And I will have to disagree with the idling undergraduate comments that anonymous and jd have refered to. Most of my post-grad friends have way more free time than myself or my undergrad friends do.
Can I be happy being average? Part of me hopes so.
I don't think you need to be "average" to be comfortable with the time you have. I think it's just a matter of finding a proper balance. Right now, you've over extended yourself, your balance is off, and you're suffering because of it. But you can fix it, and I think you know how. Be strong. Say no. And then embrace it.
Every experience is a learning experience, you know that, and chock this up to a pretty good one. At least you're learning this at an early age when your body and your mind are still pretty elastic!
Much love
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