regret on credit.

I hate making mistakes.

Particularly the kind where, had I thought for a few more moments, could have been avoided.

It's the noun in Latin that I declined as plural rather than singular, an embarrassing slip of the tongue in a conversation, a mispronounced word, calling someone by the wrong name... the silly things I do every day. Mostly the consequence is a few moments of "doh!" or "I hope they don't think I'm an idiot..." but the other day I started thinking about the bigger mistakes I've made in my life. What about the mistakes that involved weeks of wrong decisions -- a series of "doh's!" that only come to light in hindsight?

Looking around me at my peers, it seems that all of us have these streaks of stupidity. A relationship gone awry, a regretted kiss, a failure to stand up for ones self. Dotted among my many friendships, I have heard so many stories of regret. And -- just like nights at the movies, shopping sprees and electric bills -- these regrets are placed on credit ... left to be forgotten for now, but sure to resurface for payment later.

I say this because one of my greatest life regrets has just surfaced. After collecting interest, and simmering for a long while, it has come back to consume my hourly thoughts and nightly dreams. This time around I know I can't refile my regrets to the back of the cabinet. It's time to pay for my mistakes, confront some situations and say some apologies. A hard thing to do, for sure, but necessary this time around I think.

I tell myself that this is just the hard process to being a better person.

But it is also making me realize the attractive allure of denial!