envying elephants.

It is a sad day when you realize that the end of something is in sight. When I arrived here in late January it felt like I would have a lifetime in London before I would need to pack up my belongings and make my way back to America. But now, as I book a flight home, I can't help but feel as though I have been cheated out of time here. Why is it that time moves too quickly when you want it to slow down, yet when you're desperate for it to pass, it inches along? If every moment is the same length, then how do some feel so long, while others are too short to even be noticed?

My moments here are often worth twice as much as they are at home. Every passing second holds something new, a great potential. However, instead of cherishing the moments for what they are, I find myself desperately trying to slow each moment down. "Remember that landscape. Remember this smell. Remember that smile," I think to myself. I gorge myself on the details, like somehow if I commit every moment to memory, it will be everlasting. Maybe I will be able to relive every moment a million times in my memory. Perhaps then I will slow time down.

But even I know that the best of memories fade. A time will probably come when that landscape seems unfamiliar... the smell distant ... the smile new.

Yet, resilient as I am, that only makes me want to remember more.

I am hopeless.